More being forced into the forms of poetry. The idea of the pantoum is the repeating lines. Based on the example that the monsieur Donaldson wrote for us the repeated lines don’t have to repeat exactly, so I was a bit open with that. Erm. It’s alright I guess. I think the idea of the pantoum is really neat, but as with most poetry it feels like writing with my hands tied behind my back and like I could say much more in a much more compelling manner if I just stuck to elegant and eloquent prose. This is a considerable revisation of the original as of Oct 22).
She said that she would take care of me,
But I can’t see how she’ll make this worthwhile
It’s dark and so cold that I can’t feel my hands.
A car drives by overhead, no stopping.
I don’t see how this will be worth it.
Why does she think my loyalty can be bought?
Another car continues straight over the bridge.
Was it just her eyes got me into this?
My loyalty can be bought, but she couldn’t know.
This is a fool’s game, no one is coming.
It was just her eyes got me into this.
My feet are gonna get me back out.
I was a fool for playing, and now I’ll be leaving.
O’Leary can do her own goddamn dirty work.
But as I lift my feet to back slowly out
A glock barks twice in the winter night.
It’s O’Leary, doing her own goddamn dirty work.
I catch sight of her as I turn round.
Then a glock barking twice more in the cold winter night,
And me falling into the cold winter ground.
I see everything has turned around for me now
It’s dark and so cold that I can’t feel my hands
And I lie on the red ground, remembering how
She said she would take care of me.